Poems to Make Children Laugh by Wonderful Egar Lear

EGAR LEAR:   FUNNY POEMS

 

There was an Old Man in a tree,

Who was horribly bored by a bee.

When they said “Does it buzz?”

He replied “Yes, it does!

It’s a regular brute of a bee!”

 

 

 

There was an old man on the Border,

Who lived in the utmost disorder;

He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,

Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

 

 

There was an Old Man with a beard,

Who said, “It is just as I feared! —

Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,

Have all built their nests in my beard.

 

 

There was an old person of Nice,

Whose associates were usually Geese.

They walked out together, in all sorts of weather.

That affable person of Nice!

 

 

 

Dog Jokes for Kids: Enjoy

Q. Why do dogs run in circles?

A. Because it’s too hard to run in squares!

Q. What dog loves to take bubble baths?

A.   A shampoodle!

Q. Why did the dachshund bite the man’s ankle?

A.  It  couldn’t reach any higher!

Q. Why did the snowman call his dog “Frost”?

A.     Because Frost-bites

Q. What type of markets do dogs avoid?

A.  Flea markets!

Q. When is a black dog not a black dog?

A. When it’s a greyhound!

Q. What do you call a great dog detective?

A.  Sherlock Bones!

 

Q. Why is a tree like a big dog?

A.  They both have lot of bark!

Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?

A.  Ruff!

“I have my ball, let’s play!”

Q. What did one flea say to the other?

“Should we walk or take a dog?”

Cat and Dog Jokes 1: Kids Will Enjoy These

 

Q: Have you ever seen a catfish?

A: No. How did he hold the rod and reel?

Q. Why did the puppy cross the road?…

A.To get to the “barking lot.”

 

Q.Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?

A. Too many cheetahs.

Q. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?

A: Because it scares the dog!

Q What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order?

A. Claw Enforcement.

Q.  What do puppies and story tellers have in common?…

A.   They both have tails!

.

Q. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?

A.  She had mittens.

Q. Have you read the book Raising Dogs?…

A.   No? you should it’s a pup-up book.

 

Children Talk About Grandparents

—-I like my grandma because she teaches me about flowers and gardening.  She lets me get my hands dirty.

— My grandfather makes me smile when he makes funny faces and tells jokes.

— My grandmother likes to take me to a shopping mall (plaza) where we can sit and eat an ice cream.

-My grandfather always has new knock-knock jokes.

—-My grandparents don’t rush me to eat quickly.  They eat slowly, too.

—-My grandparents love to watch me dance or sing or say a poem.

—My grandpa likes to make popcorn and watch movies with us My grandma makes brownies for no reason at all.

—My grandparents tell us about when they went to school.  It was very different.  There were no computers.

—When I visit my grandparents with my little brother, we see all our art work on the frige.

—My grandparents have a big trailer.  They go away to Florida for the winter.

The Kangaroo Who Ran in a Horse Race

Cessnock is near Newcastle, Australia

The Unusual Horse Race

A very unusual thing happened at a race course in Cessnock, New South Wales on Tuesday, May 10, 2017.

 

Here is a report and some of the words are in Aussie slang.

Skippy the television kangaroo

Older Australians grew up watching a children’s television show called “Skippy the Bush Kangaroo in the 1960s.  The show was so popular that Australians often named any kangaroo by that name.

Skippy (kangaroo) copped (got) an almighty fright when the field (horses) turned the bend.

The roo darted onto the track midway through the race.  The marsupial bounded along the inside rail before weaving through the group of horses.  It escaped and did not follow the horses.

Is a Kangaroo faster than a Horse?

The answer is “No.”   The average speed of  kangaroo is 70 km/h

43 mph) while a horse can gallop at 88 km/h which is around 55 mph.

Accident or on Purpose?

I am sure that the kangaroo got into the race accidenly.  It may have already been on the trace and hearing the horses’ hooves, it got frightened an bounded ahead.  On the other hand, it might have had a bet with some of its kangaroo friends.  Luckily, all the horses and jockeys were safe as this kangaroo could have caused an accident.

I’ve seen many kangaroos in Australia and often golfers will still play when they are on the golf courses.

Animal Riddles for Happy Kids

Q: What do you call a pig that’s been arrested    for dangerous driving?

A: A road hog.

Q: What did one cow say to the other?

A: Mooooooove over

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

Q: Where do fish keep their money?

A: In a river bank!

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

A: It gave a little wine!

Q: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

A: Take away his shovel!

Q: Why does a dog wag its tail?

A: Because there’s no one else to wag it for him.

Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A: The car only has one horn.

Q: How do you make a goldfish old?

A: Take away the letter g!

Q: How is a dog like a telephone?

A: It has a collar I.D.

Hey, Riddle, Riddle 2: With Cartoon Images

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?
A: Time to get a new bed!

Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon!

Q: What is the quietest kind of a dog?
A: A hush puppy.

 

Q: How is a dog like a telephone?
A: It has a collar I.D.

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don’t work.

 

 

Q: How do you stop an rhino from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

 

Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: The price of bacon would go up.

Q: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
A: Take away his shovel!

 

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: It gave a little wine!

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

 

A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.

 

Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!

Hey, Riddle, Riddle 1- With Cartoon Images

 

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!

Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang!

Q: How does a dog stop a video?
A: He presses the paws button.

Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

 

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts don’t talk.

Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: The baaaahamas

 

Q: What is the snake’s favorite subject?
A: Hiss-story

 

Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Porkchop!

There were two cows in a field.

The first cow said “moo”

The second cow said “baaaa.”

The first cow asked the second cow, “why did you say baaaa?”

The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”

 

Six Blind Men & An Elephant: Funny Poem

It was six men of Indostan, to learning much inclined,
who went to see the elephant (Though all of them were blind),
that each by observation, might satisfy his mind.

The first approached the elephant, and, happening to fall,
against his broad and sturdy side, at once began to bawl:
‘God bless me! but the elephant, is nothing but a wall!’

The second feeling of the tusk, cried: ‘Ho! what have we here,
so very round and smooth and sharp? To me tis mighty clear,
this wonder of an elephant, is very like a spear!’

 

The third approached the animal, and, happening to take,
the squirming trunk within his hands, ‘I see,’ quoth he,
the elephant is very like a snake!’

The fourth reached out his eager hand, and felt about the knee:
‘What most this wondrous beast is like, is mighty plain,’ quoth he;
‘Tis clear enough the elephant is very like a tree.’

The fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, Said; ‘E’en the blindest man
can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an elephant, is very like a fan!’

The sixth no sooner had begun, about the beast to grope,
than, seizing on the swinging tail, that fell within his scope,
‘I see,’ quothe he, ‘the elephant is very like a rope!’

And so these men of Indostan, disputed loud and long,
each in his own opinion, exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right, and all were in the wrong!

Nellie the Elephant – Cute Poem and Song

 
To Bombay
A traveling circus came
They brought an intelligent elephant
And Nellie was her name.
One dark night
She slipped her iron chain
And off she ran to Hindustan
And was never seen again

 

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump

Night by night
She had danced to the circus band
When Nellie was leading the big parade
She looked so proud and grand
No more tricks
For Nellie to perform
They taught her how to take a bow
And she took the crowd by storm

The head of the herd was calling
Far, far away
They met one night in the silver light
On the road to Mandalay

A female is always the head of a herd of elephants

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump

Did you like the poem?  Are you happy that Nellie is free to be with other elephants?